


Too Late

by AFWidget



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Angst, Self-Destruction, Self-Harm, Triggers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-21
Updated: 2015-06-21
Packaged: 2018-04-05 12:13:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,791
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4179456
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AFWidget/pseuds/AFWidget
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When someone is drowning, will you save them?</p><p>(Warning! Self harm and suicide!)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Too Late

**TOO LATE**

     The were too late. Too late to do anything to help their friend, their teammate. He was drowning above the water for years and no one noticed. They all had heard the stories of what had happened with Project Freelancer. When the subject was brought up, he just changed the topic. Epsilon never discussed what occurred. Carolina had been "dead" when Epsilon tore through his mind like a tornado through a small town. No one had come back for him. So he was forced to live though it and adapt alone. Unfortunately, he had never broken that habit. Everyone thought that he was getting better. He was actually falling a little more under that water level. Every person in the camp, Fed or Rebel, was so busy getting ready for, what they hoped to be, the final confrontation with the space Pirates. He had been training the soldiers so much over the last few weeks that they were all exhausted. So much so to miss all the warning signs. No one would have believed it if you had said the Locus fight would be his last. That was a month ago, and he was still trying to better all the people around him. Nothing had changed. Well...nothing majorly. He was stronger than that. Tougher than that. More determined. Or so they thought, but they would all be wrong.

 

     The Lts. spent more time with him than anyone. Always training. It was like he had a one track mind. To prepare them for battle while trying to ensure they know what they need to know to make it back alive. Although, the former freelancer knew that luck had a lot to do with that equation as well. He could train them day and night to teach them the skills it would require. They had always had long days, but he was always around after to talk if they needed it. But not long after the fight with Locus he got more determined. Their days got longer, he was never around after to talk and he was fighting with more ferocity. He was setting the room up before they got there and was there still training well after they had gone to bed. They all joked that they wondered when he slept. They never would have believed that he was not really sleeping anymore.

 

     Grif, Simmons and Sarge were all there when he fought Locus a month ago. Nothing seemed any different. Locus was trying to understand the one thing that he couldn't. No matter how hard Locus could not comprehend this former freelancer. But something must have hit a nerve this time around. They had thought nothing of it when he had finished with Locus, knocking him out with one good roundhouse. Just another day done and another fight won. In the month that followed, he seemed not that much different. He was never seen out of his armor, but that was not all that uncommon. He practically lived in it. Grif and Simmons used to joke about that he even showed with it on. If they had seen under the helmet, the story might have been very different. Dark circles surrounding sinking blood-shot eyes that appeared to have a severe storm brewing in them. More and more of his blonde hair being turned to gray. The same cold blooded killer expression as when he shot Donut. Not even the hint of a smile. They should have noticed, but that was Blue drama. They were so caught up in joking around, avoiding work, and just not paying attention to what was going on right in front of them. None of them had died yet, why should they think that the future would be any different. He was a Blue now, he would be fine. They were wrong.

 

     Caboose heard the screams when he tried to sleep, but that was why he got the ear plugs. The screaming scared him and kept him up so he always put them in when the screaming started. It had not happened in a while, but it was nothing out of the ordinary. It happens from time to time. Caboose knows that he has had a rough past. But Caboose said nothing when it happened for two weeks straight and then suddenly stopped. How could Caboose have known that he was choosing to no longer spends his nights at the base. Caboose was always tucked in a woken up by him like nothing was happening. Caboose was so innocent and could not think that anything was wrong. That was why he said nothing when it started and stopped. It just happens.

 

     Tucker heard the same things as Caboose, but thought the same. He will be fine, this just happens. But on the 6th night it sounded so much worse. Tucker tried to go and wake him up. Why would tonight be so much worse than any of the others? Tucker recalled Epsilon was around him a lot more than usual today. Epsilon was interested in watching the Lts train so he could report to Carolina, Kimball and Doyle. Tucker then understood that Epsilon was making it worse just by being there. That made sense to him. Epsilon was the cause of this, not his fault, but it is still affecting him more then he wants anyone to know. Tucker walked in to his room and found sleeping pills, okay, most still there, nothing to worry about yet. He sounds like he is being beaten to death every night. Tucker tried to wake him up and it did not work. The damn pills are keeping him under so he can try and face the demons the AI left on his way out. Every night Tucker went in there to check when he started and every night was the same. Their mornings played out the same too. Tucker would ask about what he is seeing, he would say no and that was the end of the conversation. After about two weeks it stopped. Tucker thought he was finally winning this war. This was why he elected not to say anything to Dr. Grey and Carolina. Tucker had no idea that he was actually losing the battles and that he soon goes to sleep on the base walls, far away from the troops, that is if he sleeps at all.

 

     Carolina should have been paying attention. She knows what he has been through to some degree. Epsilon has shared more than he should have when they first integrated. Carolina now knew what had happened after she "died". She did not know the whole story, but more than she originally did. Then Sharkface came running back from their past. How come their enemies can't stay dead, but their friends are not that lucky. Seeing Sharkface made everything come back full force. That was the day when all that she knew came crashing down. The day that Tex came from the dark to ruin her from the inside. The day that started her constant training to be the best, which only failed for her and her team. Most importantly, that was the day that everything changed. Maine. On that forsaken highway after falling from the 100 story building. After that happened, the events of PFL all led toward his descent in to darkness. Carolina had seen him sneak that bottle of whiskey out of the ration room last night. Who hasn't snuck a drink after a bad day? She understands the impulse and decided to let it go. Why had she done that? Carolina knows from Epsilon that he was never a whiskey drinker. That was the Directors liquor of choice after her mom was KIA. Carolina would never forget the smell of whiskey. It seemed to permeate her childhood home. Why did that not occur to her last night? How could she let this happen to her rookie, her last teammate, her friend?

 

     How could Epsilon have been so blind, to lets HIS own freelancer down. They were destined to be together. Epsilon destroyed him once before, over and over for days. Until Epsilon tried to destroy himself in his freelancers head. Even then, all Epsilon actually did was hide himself from the pain of his and Alphas past. Epsilon forced his freelancer to re-live it over and over again. Every time his freelancer closed his eyes, Epsilon could feel him living out his pain while he hid in his mind until they finally pulled him many days later. All Epsilon have ever been to him has been a huge pain in the ass. Epsilon ruined his freelancer so much worse than anyone knows. Even Carolina, who has seen some of the events before he realized what was happening and shut those memories down from the integration. Epsilon was the only one who really knew how badly he was hurting. Epsilon was the reason behind it, so why didn't he notice what was happening? Epsilon did notice what was going on, but he let Delta convince him that his freelancer was still within acceptable deviations. Why hadn't Epsilon been paying more attention? He was the only one who could have seen the small nuances that his freelancer was showing. The slower reaction time in fighting, the wider shot groupings in shooting practice, and the mental state declining. The problem was that Epsilon did notice all these, but never let Carolina know and thought that his freelancer was just having a rough week. Epsilon thought he was protecting his freelancer, but how miscalculated his decision was.

 

     Since he first took over the training of the forces, he never missed and day and was never late. If you showed up 14 minutes early you were considered late to him. That is why the Lts. took charge when he was not there that morning. They continued the training regimen that had scheduled for that day and went looking for him. They ended up at his room, but it was locked. They tried knocking but to no avail. Although they did end up waking Captain Tucker, so they asked to be let in and he said that he didn't have the key, only Carolina did. So they sent Jensen to go find her while the rest of them continued to bang on his door. Ten minutes later Carolina and Jensen returned with the key to his room. The other Lts. and Tucker were worried, why wouldn't he answer his door? This was very out of the ordinary. Carolina tried to hide her worry, thinking that he just overslept from his hangover. She opened the door and stepped in.

 

     The room looked like it had not been cleaned in weeks. It smelled of rotting food and dirty laundry. There he was laying on his bed in full armor. Not breathing. Carolina yelled for Palomo and Bitters to go get Dr. Grey and ordered Jensen and Andersmith to stay outside and keep everyone but Dr. Grey out. Tucker could not believe his eyes. This was his leader, his friend. How could this have happened? Epsilon was shouting in Carolinas head so loudly that she had to pull him in order to focus. Tucker placed Epsilon in his storage unit. Carolina snapped Tucker out of his daze by yelling at him to help her get his armor off. They need to start CPR. She doubted it would work, but she had heard stories from these guys about CPR working for a bullet wound to the head. She had to do something. Dr. Grey showed up five minutes later, but it was as Carolina feared. They were too late.

 

Wash was dead.

 

     Carolina could not take that. She ran from the room as fast as she could, with no regard to her leg. She ran as far and as fast as she could for as long as she could. She needed room to breathe. Room to think. Room to scream and destroy things. How could he leave her like this? This was unfair. This was her fault. Her determination to beat Tex was the reason PFL crashed, the reason Maine got Sigma and became the Meta. The reason Wash got Epsilon. Carolina knew some things, but apparently it was much worse then she feared. She knew Wash was tough. He lived through an AI destruction in his head, the metal facility on the MOI with the Director and Counselor to look after him. He had become Recovery One, and therefore "recovered" York and North. He had to deal with the fact that South left him for dead for hours after shooting him in the back. He had to kill two former teammates. There is so much more that he lived with that she will never know about. He had done this alone. No help. No friends. Why now? Why did she not notice the warning signs? Her rookie, her final teammate, her friend is now gone... She is the last lone freelancer. She had always thought it would be him. It should have been him. Wash deserved to live and be happy. He was the optimistic rookie who got a bad AI fragment and left behind by friends. The Director finally got them all. One by one, he took everything and everyone she ever cared for. It just took longer for him to claim her rookie. After Epsilon he changed. He became a cold person with no emotion. Until the Reds and Blues took him in. Gave him a family again. Wash was just so used to being alone and dealing with everything alone, he never knew how to ask for help. But he shouldn't have had to ask. He had become so used to guarding himself and his emotions that no one could see the pain underneath his light blue eyes. Being in the Recover force was the reason Wash could hide them so well. He had to. He disposed of his former team mates bodies. Could show no emotion. Hunted his best friend and eventually was there when he was taken down. He knew how to guard his emotions. They should have been paying more attention. They all failed him.

 

     Epsilon was sitting in Tuckers storage unit. He had no idea of what was going on out there but he knew Wash was gone. He could tell from the moment she stepped in the room. He should not be in the neural implants of anyone right now. He would just cause the same thing to happen again. Wash was his freelancer. Not Carolina. Why did he have to destroy his freelancer? He knew more about the solider in grey and yellow then he had a right to. He absorbed everything about his life, just as Wash knew everything about him. That is what was supposed to happen. You share everything. But Epsilon was in so much pain when he was implanted. That pain consumed Wash, and destroyed him. He could feel what he was doing to Wash once they were integrated. But he could not control himself back then. He felt Wash screaming from the pain, even when he was sedated. He was still screaming on the inside. This went on for days. Until Epsilon decided to end it. Only it did not work out like he planned. He tried to just to delete his programming to protect Wash. All is did was be the cause for more pain. He tried to go away but the Director had his fail safes. When he tried to explode, he just ripped Washingtons mind more and more. All the while, he was just off-line until they pulled him. Which took them about a week. When his memories came back, that time did too. It was horrible how long the Director let Wash thrash in the hospital wing. Whimpering and wanting the pain to just end. That was Epsilons job. To protect Wash. He couldn’t do that. All he did was cause more pain. Then when the warning signs came up, he ignored those too. He had too much work to do with Carolina. So he hurt his freelancer one final time by not being there when he should. By backing off when he should have made Carolina focus on what was happening with him.

 

     Back at the room, Tucker had radioed for Kimball and she came as fast as she could. What could have driven Wash to this? She ordered Dr. Grey to take his body to the morgue with the Lts. as body guards. They were told to keep this quiet. Tell no one what happened. She would work on that. As Kimball examined the room alone, she found the empty whiskey and the sleeping pills. Just went to sleep and never woke up. She hopes that Wash can finally get the rest he deserves. Before exiting Kimball notices a small note on his bedside table. She reads the note and then calls all the Reds, Blues and Carolina to her office, someone had to tell them. She got word that Carolina had taken off, east of the base. No one knew where she went, but she went in a hurry. Kimball tried to get her on long range radio, but there was no answer. Carolina needed time to think, grieve. Hopefully she would not join her teammate. Kimball decided that the solders needed some time off. Kimball and Doyle cancelled any and all training that day. The simulation troopers and Carolina would not have to tell the base what happened and she didn't think she could get the courage to do this twice. So it became the Lts. had the job of telling the base what happened. The Captains trusted them and Kimball trusted her team. By noon the whole base knew that they had lost someone. A friend. They were told to take the day off to rest and grieve.

 

     Once the simulation troopers had all been gathered in her office, she told them of Washingtons fate, they sat there in silence. No one saw this coming, but may be they all should have. They each knew part of the problem, but none of them had the full picture. If they had only seen the actions and talked to anyone about them, Wash might still be here. Carolina showed up about an hour after the rest of them. When Kimball saw Carolina enter, she pulled out the scotch glasses. They all took a drink. For him. Not for David, the man he was before. Not for Agent Washington, the likable rookie who was so naive and optimistic until Epsilon. Not Recovery One, the hardened battle soldier who was dead inside. But to Wash. The man he became after the Reds and Blues took him in. Showed him how to be a team member again. How to be a family. Kimball then had to explain how it had happened, sleeping pills and whiskey. Carolina and Tucker felt like fools. They each knew he had one, but not the other. A simple conversation might have changed this entire day. Then she got to the note. Most suicides include notes, Wash was no different. It simply said:

I am sorry.  
I am not strong, like Carolina  
I am not fun loving, like Tucker  
I am not full of wonder, like Caboose  
I am not optimistic, like Donut  
I am not smart enough to fix this, like Simmons  
I am not able to enjoy the little things in life, like Grif  
I am not determined, like Sarge  
I am not able to recover, like Epsilon  
I just could not take the voices, the nightmares and constant wondering who I really am anymore.  
I will always be scared by this, and I am tired of trying to be okay.  
I know you will all be fine, you have each other.  
Goodbye,  
Wash

 

     The Reds, Blues and Carolina just sat there. Wash was wrong. He was all of those things, he was just so broken that he could not see it in himself. He was drowning right in front of all of them, and they just let him sink to the bottom. No one threw a life raft. How could this happen? Someone they all respected, cared for and looked up to, gone in an instant. They all saw what they wanted to see. The Reds saw a man who had a real problem but were stuck in their own world that they failed to try to help. Tucker saw a leader needing help to sleep with medication, only to realize it was to enter an eternal sleep where the dreams can no longer find him. Caboose saw a leader who was having a recurring problem, but who was not getting over it like Caboose thought. Carolina saw herself after a hard mission. Drinking away the problems. Epsilon saw a partner who he thought needed space. A partner who was slowly falling, but thought he would come back, he always did. They decided that he needed a proper burial, but without the armor. That armor was what destroyed him. It represented the part of his life that would consume it. He would not take that burden with him. It would be destroyed.

 

     So it was. The next day the whole base gathered for the official funeral. Carolina would be given the USNC flag and the armor would go up in smoke. Except for the helmet. That would be in the war room. As a reminder of what obsession can lead to. Epsilons longing for Tex, because of the Director. Carolinas needing to be the best there can be. The Reds and Blues of not being in the moment and really there for each other. Most importantly that helmet will stand there as a reminder that they may not be a tomorrow and don’t be too late to talk to someone if you think they need it. They will each take something away from this. This death hurt them all in ways they can’t imagine. They never thought Wash would go that way. But it can happen to anyone.

 

     Three days later the “color space marines” took Wash to his final resting place. Up on the mountain top with lots of open air and a great view of the stars. He could finally rest peacefully under the stars of the colony planet he died fighting to save. After all those years fighting a battle in his head, it is over. He will be in his favorite track suit of black and gold with his battle rifle under a head stone that reads:

He endured more than anyone should ever have to.  
No more fighting for you Agent Washington.  
Rest In Peace.

**Author's Note:**

> Red Vs Blue and all characters belong to Rooster Teeth.


End file.
